loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
