my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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