i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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