The maid of honor just puked.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
