4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
