At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
