Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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