and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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