you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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