I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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