My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Shame - the story of my life.
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