just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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