You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize