Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize