what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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