Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This is my gift to your gina
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
