In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
