this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
