I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
