his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
