I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
