Your face is a jimmy john
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
