Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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