So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
