I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
