i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
