According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
