i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
