I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
