Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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