hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
