honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
