we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize