Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
