Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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