They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
