this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
