I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
