mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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