I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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