How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
