She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
