when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My vagina is very pro this idea
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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