I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
