You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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