My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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