i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
