atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
