literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
