i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
