I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize