i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
