don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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