im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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