Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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