he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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