Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
where are you?
Hypothermia
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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