Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Bring me that man meat
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize