The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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