And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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