My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
