he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
