I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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