peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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