Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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