I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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