i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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